Bug has an affinity toward horses. She has four hard plastic horses given to her by her grandparents, two brown, two gray (which she calls blue). The last few days, she has been very focused on her gray horses. She likes to hold two things at the same time, so it is one horse in each hand.
Things have been a little off in our world lately, and she has been stressed. She is more emotional than normal and is acting out. This morning, before Mister woke up, she spent about 20 minutes very upset, repeatedly saying "baby." She had a new stuffed unicorn from a friend which she would give to me and say "baby." I asked her to show me what she wanted, and I finally realized it was the gray horses.
Tonight, we were getting ready for bed, and she hit Mister with the horses. He brushed it off - no big deal. I was watching him to see it he was okay, and the next thing I knew, she threw them at my face. She hit me so hard that I got a fat lip. I took the horses and said she cannot have them back because she hurts people with them. She was so sad, and I felt so badly for her, but my mouth really hurt.
I am sad that my almost 5 year old hurts me. I am sad that she hurts her brother who lies down next to her and tells her he loves her. And I am sad for her that she doesn't yet know how to control her emotions and her reactions to how she feels. I am sad that she is sad and I cannot help her. I think that may be one of the most difficult parts of having a child with special needs. I want to help her, and sometimes, I just don't have the slightest inkling how. And that feels like I fail.
